The Wonderful World of Heroes

Prologue - The Actual Chapter I
I'm On a Boat

Our adventure begins, as it typically does, on a floating wooden deathtrap full of crazy people. The experimental luxury passenger ship known as The Unsinkable set sail from Salt Point in Anglention on The White 245, Year 7651 on its way to the port city of Wesmont in Ostagarth, and there were some rare individuals among its passengers and crew. The Unsinkable, a majestic ship made of rich, lacquered, slightly flammable oak, travelled The Waters without incident, and many of the passengers swapped tales of adventure, hopes, dreams, and ambitions.

One passenger, a man by the name of Norbert Christopher, went around the ship recruiting members for his fledgling guild. He was turned down by many, but within a month managed to recruit 5 new members: Dash, Jude Lux, Michael Bayson, Ricros Shadowstalker, and Remington Smith.

Norbert promised them all camaraderie, freedom, adventure, and free room and board at The Raspy Goose to all, while offhandedly mentioning that the place was ‘a fixer-upper’. He additionally promised lab space to Michael Bayson, and to provide assistance to a few, including finding someone to help Dash discover clues to her father’s identity, helping Ricros Shadowstalker to find more information about his father’s final quest, and providing Jude Lux with a safe place to call home during his pilgrimage.

On The White 298, Year 7651, The Titan Constellation appeared in the sky over Ostagarth. Two days later, when The Unsinkable was mere days from shore, a carrier pigeon arrived with a message. The captain informed everyone that he must make a detour to the island nation of Xuria. This meant that instead of landing within days, the voyage would be extended by a full month because a certain person couldn’t wait 3 extra days to get to Wesmont. He also apologized for the increased level of danger he would be placing the passengers in.

In order to even complete the voyage within a month, the ship’s new experimental magic propulsion system would have to be used to increase the ship’s speed. There was a great risk, because of the 3 known test prototypes of the propulsion system, 1 critically failed, causing a massive explosion. The risk was great, but, the captain reasoned, the ship WAS named The Unsinkable, so it should be fine. What could possibly go wrong?

The system engaged, an ominous and jarring series of vibrations coupled with constant noise shook the ship, and off The Unsinkable went to Xuria. Against all odds, The Unsinkable arrived safely at Xuria on 1st Orange 14, Year 7652.

As the ship docked, the crew was ordered onto the deck to welcome the ship’s newest guest: Donnelus Tiberius Kaine. His arrival was marked by a long, decadent, and supremely wasteful three-hour parade, during which the crew was made to stand and clap for the entire duration. After walking across a rose-petal covered red carpet and boarding the ship, Donnelus Tiberius Kaine proceeded to give a…memorable speech to the crew and passengers, instantly causing every person aboard to have a strong opinion of him. He then decided to spend his stay in the captain’s quarters, and the captain slept below deck in the common sleeping area with the crew.

Donnelus Tiberius Kaine was approached and recruited into the Placeholder Guild by Norbert Christopher, and shortly thereafter, Callis Daedillin and Benedict Hammish Poppinlink were recruited as well, with Callis requesting a room far away from Donnelus, and Benedict requesting a room as close as possible to Donnelus.

On 1st Orange 22, 8 days after leaving Xuria, a common man sneaked into Donnelus’ room in the dead of night. This man, angered beyond comprehension at Donnelus’ outrageous behavior and the delay of arrival in Wesmont, attempted to bludgeon Donnelus to death with a shovel. The man almost succeeded, but was sadly wrestled to the ground and tied up with bedsheets. The captain kept the man restrained below deck, and paid Benedict Hammish Poppinlink 1 gold piece per day to guard the man (total 7 gp). Donnelus convinced Callis Daedillin to be his bodyguard for the remainder of the trip, promising that the next time Callis is in Xuria, Abelard Kaine would take care of him.

During the next few days, Benedict Hammish Poppinlink and Donnelus Tiberius Kaine talked to the commoner, and eventually learned that the man is a gravedigger named Bob Breck, and found out his motivations for what he did. Donnelus eventually forgave Bob, and even dropped the charges and convinced Norbert Christopher to accept him into the guild, though Norbert made Donnelus promise to take responsibility for and make right any unacceptable actions that Bob may make. Thus, the gravedigger Bob ‘The Shoveler’ Breck became an official member of the Placeholder Guild.

On 1st Orange 26, 6 small unidentified boats were spotted approaching The Unsinkable. Using her exceptional abilities of perception, Dash quickly identified the people on board as pirates, and gave the captain the crucial moments he needed to put his captaining abilities to use. The ‘sea battle’ ended almost before it began; the captain, pushing the experimental engines to their limit, pulled some sort of heroic bullshit spinney maneuver, causing three boats to immediately capsize, then rammed the remaining pirates at full speed, killing them instantly. A crisis averted, a captain’s paycheck earned.

A few hours later, 2 more disgruntled passengers assaulted Callis Daedillin and Donnelus Tiberius Kaine. The 2 knaves clumsily ‘sneaked’ up to Donnelus’ room door, alerting Callis in the process, who then hid to the side of the door with his sword drawn. The 2 men slammed a sledgehammer into the door, creating a large gash into the door, but getting the hammer stuck in the process. Callis effortlessly ripped the sledgehammer from the man’s grasp, pulling it into the room and away from the men. When one man attempted to squeeze his way through the gash, Callis brought his sword down upon the man, delivering a massive blow that instantly incapacitated and nearly killed the man. Callis then burst through the door, ripping it off its hinges, and fired an arrow into the spine of the now-fleeing accomplice. After locking these 2 men up and being assured by the captain that the long dick of the law would fuck these men upon arrival in Wesmont, everyone enjoyed some moments of blissful uneventfulness.

The Unsinkable finally arrived in Wesmont on 1st Orange 28, Year 7652, much to the relief of all. As the ship pulled into the port, the party looked to the sky and saw what appeared to be a massive wooden dragon ascending into the sky heading somewhere to the north. They quickly discovered that this ‘dragon’ was the flagship of Lord Relegus of Ostagarth Incorporated.

After docking, [[Norbert Christopher led the party to their new home, The Raspy Goose. They were given a tour of the building, and were introduced to
some of the other members of the Placeholder Guild. Erin Hanne and Percy Unker introduced themselves in a friendly manner before excusing themselves, and as the party was choosing their individual rooms, That Bard quickly honed in on the group and butted in on their conversation, making sure to get Donnelus into the room adjacent to his own before sauntering off with an his typical air of smug self-assuredness.

The party spent the remainder of the day settling into their rooms and falling asleep, but were all awakened at midnight by a loud door slam, and some heavy pounding footsteps. These noises came from another guild member, the Orc known as Hork Thunk. Hork gleefully boasted about besting a wereshark in combat in a nobleman’s pool before he remembered his manners and actually introduced himself. After the party talked to him for a time about his origins (and Callis Daedillin performed remarkably in his task, assuming his task was to say the largest amount of incidentally racist remarks possible in a given timeframe), Hork excused himself and went to bed.

As the party was about to return to their rooms, Dash heard a noise from behind the bar, and discovered the sorceress Rihanna Kairne crouched behind the bar holding two comically large decanters of wine. She expressed disdain and a sense of superiority when talking to what she considered the ‘lesser’ spellcasters, and mild hostility towards most of the party, especially mocking Remington Smith for his reluctance to blindly fire his loud gun, at midnight, in the center of the city, at (through) the paper-thin walls of The Raspy Goose. She surprisingly showed not only no hostility, but possibly mild respect to the alchemist Michael Bayson during her banter with the others. She eventually retired to her room with her ‘midnight wine’.

After a few short hours of sleep, the party was awakened at 5 in the morning by a cacophony of animal noises in the lobby. Norbert Christopher, now surrounded by a number of message-carrying dogs, squirrels, small birds, and a vulture, beseeched the party to travel to the small village of Woodwind to stop an unknown plague and save his brother Denny. Completely ignoring the possibility that these animals sent from a plague zone might themselves be carrying the plague with them, the party quickly sets out toward Woodwind.

A few hours outside of Wesmont, a particularly bored and aggressive Worg, hungry, horny, and itching for something to kill, ambushed the party much to the dismay of his life partner, an Orcish fighter and aspiring alchemist. Against all odds, Bob ‘The Shoveler’ Breck managed to knock aside the worg’s sneak attack with his shovel, and the party instantly prepared to attack with all their strength. The instant reaction of 9 people, combined with the shock of his failed opening attack, distracted the worg for the precious moments Jude’s eidolon Freya needed a very lucky killing blow straight away.

Seeing his companion of 15 years killed in an instant and knowing that he was next, the Orc couldn’t stop himself from..physically manifesting his fear. Ricros Shadowstalker was able to discern the location of the Orc by tracking his…emanations, and through the use of a series of message spells, the rest of the party was made aware also. Blinded by fear and not totally conscious of his actions anymore, the Orc failed to convince the adventurers to leave him alone. Michael Bayson noticed a strange corked vial possessed by the Orc, and quickly warned the party of its poisonous properties before they commenced the attack. The orc was pierced and struck by arrow and sword, but somehow survived long enough to perform one final action. His final, desperate act was to uncork his vial. He would die, but he might be able to take the closest one down with him to at least partially avenge his companion’s death. Even this plan failed him. Having been previously alerted to the vial’s properties, Ricros simply held his breath and watched as the orc succumbed to his own poison.

The party encountered nothing else of note for the remainder of the day, and our story today ends with the setting of the sun, and the silhouette of adventurers taking their first steps down the road towards their unknowable future.


Chapter I
A Nu Start

Welcome to The Wonderful World of Heroes!

Through fate, divine providence, or pure coincidence, a number of people gather in the town of Wesmont. Nothing is yet set in stone, but some in Wesmont may play an important role in the future of this land.

Ricros Shadowstalker searches Wesmont for clues about his father’s last quest.

Jude Lux arrives in Wesmont to prepare for pilgrimage.

Michael Bayson stays in Wesmont and ponders his new-found autonomy from the military that has been his life up until now.

Benedict Hammish Poppinlink is here to record his first tale of adventure.

Donnelus Kaine is here because of the strange stars signifying change.

Remington Smith is here to see the world.

Callis Daedillin is here to make some money, and free some slaves (if there’s time).

Dash is in Wesmont in order to search for her father, and is currently hunting down every clue she can find.

The adventure begins now!


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